Test + Risk
Trusting enough to give and accept challenges.
If you think back to one of your own mentors, you might remember how you came to trust them enough to be mentored. A college professor has to build trust with a student if that student is going to accept guidance about their studies. An educator needs to build trust with a teenager if that young man is going to take the older man’s life advice.
You may not be wondering about what it takes for a mentor to trust a potential mentee.
Forming a mentorship means making an investment, both for the mentor and the mentee. All investments come with some degree of risk. For mentors, creating that trust with mentees is important, as that risk becomes greater over time. New mentors may remember the investment a mentor made in them, without appreciating that risk.
In their book Power Mentoring, the professors Ellen Ensher and Susan E Murphy describe relational challenges as important parts of mentoring relationships, both in the formation of mentorships and later to deepen mentoring connections.
In the early stages, these tests are an exploration of “whether the protege acts on the mentor’s advice.1” Mentors initially wonder if mentees are ready and willing to do the basic work of being in the mentorship and learning what the mentor has to teach.
For Ashley and Morgan, this was a key step in the formation of their relationship. Not only did Morgan need to commit to the relationship by coming to office hours on her own time, but she also needed to demonstrate her acceptance of the investment by completing the additional readings Ashley gave her. Morgan felt this sense of investment, and a mentorship formed when she responded to that investment. Much like a financial investment, Morgan’s response let Ashley know she could invest more.
Jane did this for Brent by making him part of her Congressional Research Fellow team as an undergraduate. He was asked to help present to philanthropists and policymakers at a young age. This was a daunting challenge for a young man, but Jane invested in making sure her mentee was well-prepared.
Challenging mentees is one way to help mentees to grow, and mentees come to appreciate these kinds of challenges and the growth that comes with them. Mentees can see that challenges are accompanied by a sense of belief in their potential. Brent continues to carry a confidence with him because Jane challenges him, prepared him for that challenge, and he rose to that occasion. He appreciates what she did to get him ready for that environment.
In a 2010 study2 testing their challenge theory, Ensher and Murphy surveyed over 300 managers and professionals across the US. The researchers used a set of questions called the Mentoring Relational Challenges Scale, which assess mentors’ testing of mentees’ commitment and resilience, ability to meet standards and follow advice, and openness to take risks. Mentees were often satisfied with being challenged by mentors. The challenges that were the most satisfying to mentees were from the Requiring Commitment and Resilience Group. Such tests included challenging mentees to reach a difficult, specific goal; challenging mentees to think in ways they have never thought before; or receiving critical feedback from the mentor. Mentees were less satisfied with being challenged to be like their mentor or simply to prove worthiness.
What is less visible to mentees is that, as challenges and opportunities increase for mentees, so does risk for the mentor. Initial tests, Ensher and Murphy point out, are low-risk investments for mentors. Early challenges and tests build a foundation of connection and trust.
When mentees respond to these, it lets the mentor know they can make additional, higher-risk investments. But higher level challenges can pose a greater risk to the mentor’s job or reputation.
Mentees need to trust mentors to seek help, admit when they are struggling, and accept advice. They can see the risk in being vulnerable.
Mentors need to trust mentees to risk offering greater opportunity as the relationship deepens. Mentees may not see the sense of risk and investment this represents for the mentors.
By letting Brian wrestle in his own style, Sam was taking a risk with his team and their championship run. By giving over the communications department to a young group using the new tools of social media, Jack was taking a risk with his organization and their messaging to the public. Ellen put her professional reputation on the line by fighting for Dalia to get a job, and Dalia knew it when one of her emails read as unprofessional.
A key part of the mentoring relationships I have studied is the mentor nudging, sometimes pushing, mentees into a new space. While this can be scary, successful mentees come to appreciate these challenges as opportunities. Mentees, in other words, not only get tested, but generally like to be tested when they see it spurs growth.
As mentees move from being mentored to doing the mentoring, however, they need to appreciate that these challenges are opportunities for mentees can bring increasing risk for the mentor. Early tests are not just about learning, but about building two-way trust. Preliminary tests are great ways for mentees to show they are eager to learn and see if there is a relational fit. They are also a way for mentors to know if they can trust a protege with a more substantial investment down the road.
Ensher, E. A., & Murphy, S. (2005). Power mentoring: How successful mentors and protégés get the most out of their relationships. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
Ensher, E. A., & Murphy, S. E. (2011). The mentoring relationship challenges scale: The impact of mentoring stage, type, and gender. Journal of Vocational Behavior, 79(1), 253-266.